Ask Dom

Welcome back To Ask Dom,  I'm Dom. Duh. 

Anyway,  I received quite a few excellent questions this week, so let's get started, and remember, if you would like your question featured please email me at AskDom@MilagroSpeaks.com

Our first reader asks:
Is it inappropriate to buy your own engagement ring if your partner can't afford it due to hefty child support payments? 

Um....yes. That question almost depressed me, but I took a breath and remembered that I'm currently sitting a five star hotel room, and my only concern in life is that I cannot smoke in here (I know,  right?). An engagement ring is a token of devotion. I get that your boyfriend has a bunch of kids (that's the worst!), but that doesn't excuse him from pretty much the one obligation he has to ensure a wedding happens. Understanding he doesn't have a lot of dough right now, accept a simple band, and if anyone judges that ring, remind the married ones that their diamonds are probably soaked In African blood, and the single ones that they are going to be alone forever. Who needs money when you have love... and debt?

Our next reader writes:
Is 32 years old too old to get a boob job? 

Hell no!  Generally I try to advocate body acceptance, but if your tits have that dried up concave look,  and you have the means to relive your teen years, go for it. The only person that would question your decision is either a naturalist, or poor, and who cares what they think?  Am I right?

One darling writes:
Where do you get your smarts from? 

First, flattery always works with me. So congratulations, you just won best question. Honestly though, I'm quite terrible at a lot of things.  Here are some examples:  Math, directions, assembling ANYTHING, remembering to use the correct words when I speak,  etc.

Our last question:
I just found out that my daughter has Tourettes, does that mean I have to stop laughing when my childhood friend,  with the same condition, yells "Big fucking tits!"?

I would like to start by saying that your friend clearly knows how to party. To answer your question,  I hate to stifle what is obviously going to be hilarious, but yeaaahh...you should probably stop. As the daughter of  a woman who mainly has negative things to say about me,  I can tell you it sucks to be laughed at by your own mother. Had I been born with a better body, I probably would have been a stripper. So comedy writer it is!  However, if you can't help but laugh,  take solace in knowing there is probably a niche in the stripping industry for Tourettes. So hey, either way!

Comedian Dominique Parr was born on a dirty bed in the Bronx (In all actuality, she was born in a moderately clean hospital in San Diego CA, as clean as they could get it in the 80’s anyway.). She currently resides in Seattle WA with her dog Coolbreeze, and her vast collection of Doctor Who memorabilia. Dominique is the creator of  the Useless Conversations webcomics series currently posted on DomTheMod.com.

Ask Dom

Welcome to the first edition of Ask Dom. A place to ask any question, with the understanding that Dom's answers are probably not condoned by any psychologists, or dictated by common sense. If you would like your question featured on Ask Dom, please email Dom at AskDom@Milagrospeaks.com.

First,  I'd like to introduce you to my friend Dom! 

 

Dominique Parr was born on a dirty bed in the Bronx (In all actuality, she was born in a moderately clean hospital in San Diego CA, as clean as they could get it in the 80’s anyway.). She currently resides in Seattle WA with her dog Coolbreeze, and her vast collection of Doctor Who memorabilia. Dominique is the creator of  the Useless Conversations webcomics series currently posted on DomTheMod.com.



Our first reader writes: How do I win back my boyfriend of 15 yrs?

Wow. Well, I would probably need to know a little bit more about the situation to answer this question. However, if you held that down for fifteen years, you are obviously capable of a long lasting relationship. 

I think the real question is, who is boyfriend and girlfriend for 15 damn years? A guy that refuses to commit, and a broad that won’t let go; that’s who. Don’t waste your sexy years on a guy that isn’t interested in buying the farm, focus the time you have left with dewy skin and good hair on someone worth while. Otherwise, you will look back with regret.

How should I respond to a guy who wants to get married on the first date?

If he expects you to react with anything more than nervous laughter or just saying “I have to go away from you now.” And abruptly leaving, he is crazier than you thought. He is either scary impulsive, or he has a shrine made out of hair collected from your brush. 

I dated a guy who asked me to be his girlfriend the first time we kissed, and you know what? That was a mistake. He broke up with me a few weeks later at a laser show. The point is, you WANT someone to know you long enough to want to be with you. Otherwise it is all based on petty things like looks, or in his case, possible insanity.

Why is the new season of It’s Always Sunny weird?

I think it’s on par with the way that it has always been.

What should I do if a guy says “Let’s have sex, YOLO.”?

Jesus. Just run. You only live once, and you only contract aids once. Why doesn’t he just roll over, expose himself, and grunt? That would equate to the same amount of romantic effort as lets say, using some grimy MTV catchphrase. Respect yourself. 

See you here next week,

-Dom